The basic, and current map of things: get educated, build a career, meet someone, settle somewhere, build a family, retire to die- or- retire to travel, watch your offspring spring another repeat.

That scares me.
I want to travel and see the world before I decide WHERE i want to live, let alone “settle”. I want to learn and learn, to decide what it is i want to do- which is learn everything I can. And I don’t want to do what comes easy to me, I want to work hard, because that falls in line with work ethics which bleeds into your everyday actions. (Reference to a Bruce Lee quote.) Yet I don’t care for money but yes, i understand it’s what moves you forward. It’s what spends time- and pays attention. Time to travel, attention to studies. I wish, wish we were born with the basic knowledge of all things, to understand the workings around us and see where we truly fit, versus- shoot for the stars- and just pick. Yet, maybe its just everyone else that knows what they want to do the moment they do it. I do it, and I want to know who- who, what, when? Okay so where why and how oh and it relates to this. And this, but it correlates to this but contradicts this. Wait, I’m learning something new now different from what I was learning. Fuck. And yeahs- I know, its called an existential crisis, that’s whats it called BUT not what it is. I know what I want to do- travel and learn, but I also want to pay my dues. Be able to give back, contribute. I don’t care for discovering something new, unless it’ll better the world, I want to discover things I haven’t the opportunity to experience- morale compass included. I want to work a million occupations, I wish there was some form of job rotation. Hey you’ve never tried or learn this, here you go, okay you’re quite natural at this, hmm, try this. Like some people, have the potential to be Hollywood, others’ leaders, and some shouldnt be where their at- but their paths are paved. It’s a dream, if we can “rotate”. I want to be a doctor one day, an athlete the next, a janitor tomorrow, a warrior yesterday. I want to know what I can be natural at and what I struggle with. I want to travel and learn things, live occupations, but the problem: how do you eat, where do you sleep, how will regulate your hygiene, how will you share that self with one, most of all, how will you pay for all of it.

Yeahs, its not an existential crisis, it’s money.

Maybe I should care about it. Sacrifice years, so I can spend a ‘few’ doing what I actually want. But traveling takes years, you travel to learn culture, try foods, meet people, speak a different tongue, live a different understanding. Learning takes discipline and to be studious, included the six questions. Who what when where why and how. The conjunctions: and but because. Occupation is nearly impossible without the second, learning, and repeating, well there’s on the job training, but whose going to risk hiring a risk taker. You can’t certifity: quick learner, character, and work ethic. On a side note: then there’s adult, or folks older than me telling me what I should be, what I should do, what each of them would do differently. If only not differently but we can learn to a point where we “wished we could’ve done it this way” then given the opportunity. But it’s not like that. It’s a world full of regret and fool of regret and blind to it.

It’s scares me.

Even if I’ll live that life learning, traveling, I won’t have learned everything and traveled everywhere. Even if I accomplish what I want to settle doing, I’ll have spent years on trial and error. There’s no medium. And I’ve already spent 25…

I’ve written close to ten pieces a day. And re-reading them, seeing them lecture and lab me even days later. Now I just need to make an electronic copy of it

rest in peace. piece of mind

east. of mind; hemisphere of visual recognition(s)-
west(s)- of it: logic. yet it’s either or- depends on yours. 
piece- of mine: i. e. before c/see. the east of mine
in example, to talk with my eyes; yet self —exam, of thoughts there-after. 
rest in peace, those pieces. the speaks that peak when not spoken for
because peace- of mind. is the worry-free. to have; peace of mind. 
e. a. not i. e. peace. is war with ease. and war of eaves- drop eves
the apple doesn’t fall far from threes. company. adam- forbidden to opinion. 
third parties are: public. but bare privates. we bear- un-privileged. 
undress- we armor- tongues with distastes. arm lips with judges. 
guilty until proven — guilty. innocence is asking too much,
too much of sense. 
those cents change constant; valued by conscious.
those cents, change constant; valued by conscience.. 

rest in peace. peace of mind.

- kayleb. 

anyone can fall in love with anyone. it’s all about spending time, and paying attention. spend enough of it- attendance albeit absences, beget the senses.

I want to write a collaborative book of different perspectives regarding ‘Young Love’, titled:

'Young Love.

Love,
Young.”

A lesson moreover that I wished I was taught or to be well aware of while I myself was young. They won’t listen, they never will, because i didnt; but those lessons that i ignored saved me when i was ignored. And The ill of this very saying “follow your heart” has been misinterpreted into the very/vary destruction of ‘personal’ evolution.

The very first lesson:
“Why go through all these emotions, just to ‘feel’ one: love(d)”
Then maybe short and sound rebuttals and/or agreements from others.

A collective who can look back and make their experiences lessons from the past, that they live present, and help make decisions for the future. Because whose to say one perspective is the sole perspective. This might be a good or bad idea.

she drinks a cup full of jealous. loves to- stand in a crowd of: 9 to 5’s. she eats off a plate of vengeance. the- leftovers. "when are you going to grow- up!?"she points the accusation at everyone else. - this bitch. she drinks a cup full of envious. turned the age of twenty-five. 
don’t understand why she hasn’t aged from the age of sixteen. it’s like she still wears ‘forever 21’. it’s like she still wears forever-21. 

she drinks a cup full of jealous
loves to- stand in a crowd of: 9 to 5’s
she eats off a plate of vengeance.
the- leftovers

"when are you going to grow- up!?"

she points the accusation at everyone else. 
- this bitch
she drinks a cup full of envious. 
turned the age of twenty-five. 

don’t understand why she hasn’t aged
from the age of sixteen.
it’s like she still wears ‘forever 21’. 
it’s like she still wears forever-21. 

those are difficult lips
and a road; i want to lead home. 
the kind of smile with kind eases
but the stress of you not wanting anything to do nothing with-
something without. 
you know me well, but it’s not like you care to know me- ill
what. the. hell. 

- kayleb

forbidden fruit of your rose -garden. 
seeds to your blossom. i’m guardian.
an apple of seduction, eyes- they garnish.

the eve to your giving. thanks; adam-
giving away nerves of nests. nervous
sin- not to be able to weather thorns. 

the motion in e-motion, is that storm. 

rose gardens. red.
violet hills. blue
colo(u)r without you
might as well be collars. 

forbidden speech. 
is the absence of action. 
forbidden fruit.
might as well be a table vegetate. 
as we feast on the meets
of guests/guesses uninvited

untitled by kayleb

i enjoy your lips.

but the words created from within,
the judgements, the prejudice, the discrimination;
couldn’t mask the pleasure
before hatred. 

it was like fucking ignorance.
and i was getting stupider with every sex-cond